Elastic Heart

“Well, I’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart.  But your blade, it might be too sharp.  I’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard.  But I may snap when I move close.  But you won’t see me fall apart, because I’ve got an elastic heart.”

– Sia featuring The Weeknd, “Elastic Heart”

Well, it’s mid-November, all of a sudden.  It feels like forever ago since I last wrote, but it was really less than a month ago.  Like I said in my last post, my life moves fast, too fast for my own good.  It’s been less than a month, but things are already changing.

The first, and most exciting thing that happened since I last wrote is that I finished my very first half marathon!  I clocked in at under two hours, which was my goal while I was training.  I felt good through the whole thing, finished strong, and am so ready to tackle that distance again in January.  (I’m running the Polar Dash on New Year’s Day – see this page for more information on that!)

Less exciting things have happened, too.  H’s brother got confirmed, so we spent some time in his hometown a state over.  My high school best friend got married, and I was one of the Maids of Honor in that wedding.  I registered for my spring semester classes, I got new running shoes, and we got our first snowfall of the season.  It doesn’t seem like much, when I’m trying to write it all down.  But time sure has been flying by.

Within the last week, though, the changes in life have become more prominent.  For the last couple of weeks, H’s boss has been sending him home from work early, because there hasn’t been enough work to do.  I would think that a structural engineer would always be able to work on something, but that isn’t the case, I guess.  Anyways, as nice as that has been for our dog, we were beginning to worry.  If there’s not enough work, is he going to be guaranteed a job through the winter?  It was stressful for someone like me, someone who doesn’t appreciate the unknown and likes to plan every single aspect of my life.  Well, we got some news last week, and it wasn’t bad news, per se.  H will be spending a significant amount of time at the Rocky Mountain office for the next two to three months.

H and I joke about Ole’s separation anxiety issue.  I think it’s legitimate – when H was working 60-hour weeks last winter, he couldn’t take care of Ole like he wanted to, so Ole took an extended vacation to H’s parents’ house.  And that’s only one example of that happening – Ole took another vacation when we were moving into our new place, for instance.  Anyway, my point is that this poor dog is never going to get over his separation anxiety, because too often, H leaves, and doesn’t come back for a month.  A dog can’t understand something like that.  Well, it’s going to start happening again, except that both Ole and I are going to be fighting the separation anxiety.

I have had one relationship where it transitioned from a normal college relationship – we both lived on campus, yada yada – to a long distance relationship, when I went abroad.  And it didn’t end well.  As in, the relationship ended not long after I got back to the States.  I like to think that I changed while I was abroad, but I actually think that the relationship wasn’t right from the start.  But this relationship, the one with H – this one is right.  And here I am again, transitioning from a cohabitational relationship to long distance.  And I’m scared, because I was bad at this the last time.  And time zones, man – effing time zones.  Granted, Mountain Time is only one hour different, where there was a six-hour difference between my college and the UK.  Still.  I’m nervous.  There is a certain anxiety eating me up from the inside out at the prospect of spending several weeks alone in the duplex that I currently share with H.

H keeps telling me that I’m being silly.  This relationship isn’t going to end.  And he’s not going to be gone for all that long, in the grand scheme of things.  Just… most of the time from next week until Christmas.

Another thing I have started doing in the last week or so.  Yoga.  Because I’m afraid this anxiety and stress is going to give me an ulcer, and H’s second favorite thing to tell me is that I need to work on my Om.  (His favorite thing to tell me is “Lighten up, Francis.”  But that’s a story for another post.)  So I’m going to try to find my Om while he’s gone.  (You have to find it before you can improve it, right?)  Maybe that will help keep the anxiety and loneliness at bay.

To help keep me distracted, my best friend KB (who you’ll hear a lot about in the next year, I’m sure, as she’s my best friend) and I are going to see Catching Fire on opening night, the Friday before Thanksgiving.  “Elastic Heart” is from the soundtrack.  I can’t wait to get my nerd on and geek out over my favorite trilogy in the literary universe.  (Sorry, LOTR fans, but THG wins in my book.)

Until December (we’re getting close to y’all getting really tired of hearing from me every day!),



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