Well, I stayed up late on a Sunday night for the purpose of writing this blog – the Academy Awards are the big ones! And, naturally, they went over their allotted time. So I was up significantly later than I had hoped to be. But anyway! Here are the winners of the 2014 Oscars![i] And, instead of the explanations and reasoning that I presented during the Golden Globes, I’m instead going to give my commentary as if I were watching this with you in real time.
In order of presentation:
Best Supporting Actor – Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
Oh! Yay! The clip they showed was fantastic. Man. Jared Leto’s hair is more beautiful than mine. And his eyes are, too. Okay, it’s official. Jared Leto is more beautiful than me. And he thanked his mom in his speech! I bet that meant so much to single moms everywhere. Oh my gosh, and his closing line? “For those of you who ever felt injustice for who you are or who you love, this is for you.” Oh. OH. He’s the best.
Best Animated Short – Mr. Hublot, Laurent Witz and Alexandre Espigares
I have no idea what this is.
Best Costume Design – The Great Gatsby, Catherine Martin
Those costumes were indeed pretty rad. (I think I’m going to try to bring rad back. No? Hmm.)
Best Makeup and Hairstyling – Dallas Buyers Club, Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews
Best Animated Feature – Frozen
My inner child is very happy!
Best Visual Effects – Gravity, Tim Webber, Chris Lawrence, Dave Shirk, and Neil Corbould
Okay, fine, this award can go to Gravity. They had to make space, after all.
Best Live-Action Short – Helium, Anders Walter and Kim Magnusson
Nice speech. A little on the long side, though.
Best Documentary Short – The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life, Malcolm Clarke and Nicholas Reed
I want to see this. I’ve heard about this lady – she was 110 when she died, and she was taken by the Nazis when she was in her 30’s or 40’s. And they said she died only a couple weeks ago! Oh. I’d like to see this.
Best Documentary Feature – 20 Feet From Stardom
SING IT, GURRRRRL. Wow! That was awesome!
Best Foreign Language Film – The Great Beauty, Italy
Best Sound Mixing – Gravity, Skip Lievsay, Niv Adiri, Christopher Benstead, and Chris Munro
Does space have sounds?
Best Sound Editing – Gravity, Glenn Freemantle
What’s the difference between Sound Mixing and Sound Editing? And why did Gravity win both?
Best Supporting Actress – Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave
Yesssssssss! This is the category JLaw was nominated in, too, but I was really rooting for Lupita Nyong’o. The clips they showed were amazing. And her speech! Oh my gosh, she’s so cute and awesome! “No matter where you’re from, your dreams are valid.” Preach it, girl!
Best Cinematography – Gravity, Emmanuel Lubezki
Yes, I believe this is the one they should have won. According to BuzzFeed, it was also the most nauseating cinematography.
Best Editing – Gravity, Alfonso Cuarón and Mark Sanger
Best Production Design – The Great Gatsby, Catherine Martin and Beverley Dunn
Oh, good! The sets in this movie were awesome.
Best Original Score – Gravity, Steven Price
NO ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME HOW COULD FREAKING GRAVITY WIN OVER JOHN WILLIAMS?????
IN MEMORIUM OH MY GOSH WHY. Ending on Philip Seymour Hoffman, too! Sobbing. Except… where’s Cory Monteith? Oh, it’s Bette Midler. Oh. She’s singing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” OH. Sobbing some more.
Best Original Song – “Let It Go,” Frozen
What did you say, John Travolta? Her name is Idina Menzel, and she is the queen of Broadway. HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HER NAME???
Best Adapted Screenplay – 12 Years a Slave, John Ridley
Best Original Screenplay – Her, Spike Jonze
Best Director – Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity
*Internal seething* THERE WERE DIRECTORS WHO DESERVED IT WAY MORE LIKE STEVE MCQUEEN ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY??
Best Actress – Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
I love you, Sandra Bullock, but YAY FOR SOMEONE WHO ISN’T ASSOCIATED WITH GRAVITY!! Except this was a Woody Allen film. I hate Woody Allen, too. Crap. Now I’m not sure what to feel.
Best Actor – Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT. I’m glad he won! His speech was super long though. And he said his hero, the person he’s chasing, is himself in ten years. That’s… interesting. Sort of weird. Hmm.
Best Picture – 12 Years a Slave
Steve McQueen’s stage jump! And hiiiiiiii Brad Pitt! (Thank you for passing out plates for the pizza, by the way, Super Dad.) Yay! Okay. Now it’s time for bed. Byeeeeeeee.
Aaaaaaaaaand now you’ve had the privilege to listen to my inner thoughts. Ha. My brain uses Tumblr-speak, in case you were wondering. I didn’t want to make the show drag out for you as much as it did for me.
Other highlights? Ellen. I love Ellen. She took a selfie with a bunch of actors and broke Twitter, then she order pizza. She was pretty great. And JLaw, because she’s amazing. But otherwise, I think that pretty much covers everything.
Guess what day it is!!
[i] Spoiler alert: Gravity won a lot of awards. This greatly displeased me, because I heard mixed reviews and had no interest in watching Sandra Bullock float through space. I love her, don’t get me wrong. But she’s always going to be Gracie Hart to me.