It’s actually a little funny that I had decided to write about this song today. This morning on my way to work, I was listening to the same radio station I always listen to – KS95, based out of the city I live in. It’s one of those variety stations. The morning personalities – Ryan, Shannon, Icky, and Bangs – are my favorites, which is why I listen every day. So, needless to say, I was happy to hear that Icky was finally dating someone. I mean, it sounds a little weird, but I hear these people every weekday morning. I get a little involved in their lives!
Anyway, here is what today’s conversation was about:
Icky has been dating a girl for a couple of months. At the end of last week, he received a text from this girl that was supposed to be sent to a friend of hers. It said something along the lines of, “Icky is picking me up from girls’ night at the bar. Love him.” And Icky (being a guy) responded with a “Ha!” because he assumed he wasn’t supposed to get this text.
But! They went on a date last night, and apparently, this girl had some things on her mind. She told him that she actually meant what she said – that she had strong feelings for him, and possibly loved him – and that his laughing at her hurt her feelings. Then she asked him if he had those feelings for her, and he said that he liked her, but he didn’t feel that strongly yet. And then she asked him if he could see himself loving her. When he didn’t respond, she walked out of the restaurant, saying that she would give him a couple of days to think about his answer. But she didn’t leave without saying that her text wasn’t an accident – she meant to send it.
So, this was all being hotly debated on the morning show. Ryan thought that maybe she just wanted to know if she was wasting her time with Icky when he never thought he could love her, but Shannon thought the girl was a drama queen and that Icky should run. There were texts and calls coming in from every direction, and I was driving, so I didn’t try to call or text in with my two cents. But, because this all relates back to this song by Cher Lloyd, I thought I’d share them with you all.
The thing that stuck out to me the most was that Icky kept saying that the girl was fun, that she was a “cool girl”. Well, there was a fantastic article on BuzzFeed about “cool girls” (found here), and that’s what I started thinking about. Which led me to this song.
Lonely, lonely, so you think that you know me
You’re the only one who knows who I am
I decided tonight that I’m breaking
All the chains on my throne of perfection
Could it be that easy to let it all go?
Everything you see that glitters isn’t always gold
Everything you think is perfect, oh, isn’t always so
Many times, many times, I would have let my feelings show
Because everything you see that glitters isn’t always gold
You know I’m just human, human, human, after all
All right, what does this mean? After listening to the song many times, just because I liked how it sounded, I realized how relatable this is to girls who are stuck in this sucky situation of trying to be the cool girl. I’ve been there. I’ve been that girl who loves hockey and a good “that’s what she said” joke and who could sit around on the porch on summer nights and talk science and sports and music and pretend like I don’t care about anything.[i] I’ve been the “cool girl”. But there comes a time where the “cool girl” starts to have actual feelings, and she can’t pretend anymore. And, in my opinion, that’s what happened with the girl that Icky is dating.
If she’s been seen by him and others as the “cool girl”, she probably didn’t feel like she could tell him outright that she was starting to have feelings for him. In her case, she decided to send a text message that she could play off as an accident to gauge how he was feeling. When I was in the situation, I sent an email after several glasses of wine. It depends on the girl and the situation, but there are two things that should be known about this:
- She’s not crazy. She may not even be a drama queen. She just feels stuck in a place where she always has to be cool and let everything roll off her shoulders like water off a duck’s back, and that is impossible to maintain.
- The deadline that she gave him is for herself. That’s what Shannon was hung up on, but it probably is more of a date that she can stop obsessing over it. If she tells him that she’d like to know by Wednesday, that means that, come Thursday, she’ll either know that he has feelings for her too, or she’ll know it’s over. Cool girls try to pretend like they don’t care, but they do. And I am one of the least patient people out there, so a deadline like that would be for me, not necessarily to try to pressure anyone into anything.
I’m not saying this is correct. But it’s a theory that I didn’t hear at all before I got into work. This poor girl has probably been kicking herself for days, but now that it’s out there, she feels like she has to follow through. It’s less torturous that way than doing what I did – pretending that I was still the cool girl who had just had too much to drink one night, that the feelings I expressed could be pushed down and corked and it didn’t matter. La dee da. Everyone carry on with your life.
Except it took me over a year to get over it. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
You know I’m just tired of the weight of the world on my shoulders
Babe, you know I’m sick of always carrying it for you
Used to be a superwoman, now that’s over, over
I’m a lover, I’m a lover, baby, I’m a soldier
Doesn’t mean that I could be everything for you
Use to be a superwoman, now that’s over, over.
Because everyone is just human. And humans make mistakes. And maybe, in bringing up the text at dinner, she was just trying to see if she and Icky could get past this. Girls are so quickly judged as being crazy or drama queens or whatever. And maybe she is. Or maybe, just maybe, she’s like me. And she’s just looking for the person who doesn’t need her to be “cool” all the time.
Just a thought.
[i] I realize that this is pretty specific, but it’s meant to be. If you want to know more about this guy and this situation that I’m referring to, read this.