“i told the others, and they didn’t belIeve me. you’re all doomed. you’re all dooMed!”

“welcome to the south harmon institute of technology!  welcome to shit!”

“hi!  my name is elle woods, and this is Bruiser woods, and we’re both gemini vegetArians.”

“so adorable.”

“oh my god, last week, i saw Cameron diaz at fred segal, and i talKed her out of Buying this truly heInous angora sweater.  whoever said orange is the new pink was seriously disTurbed.”

“that’s the ugliest effing sweater i’ve ever seen.”

“my name is david kidney.  i have a master’s in russian literature, a phd in bioChemistry, and for the last eighteen months, i’ve been deworming orpHans in somalia.”

“why is the only woman that you’ve carEd about a world class criminal?  are you a maSochist?”

“oh my god, you like him!  you like him, and he totAlly complimeNted you.  that is so fetch!”

“what the hell was that?  you Don’t talk to me and then you say you have a crush on me!  you say you want to traIn alone?  is this how you want to play?  let’s start right now!”

“i Know who you are.  if you waNt to survive, fOllow me.”

“don’t Worry, dear.  suicidE is not in his repertoire.  he’s far too fond of himself for that.”

“you’re being pretty caValier about this.  aren’t you supposed to be etErnally in love with him and shit?”

“theRe were a lot of things in my life that i thought were real and ended up being fake.  whY can’t the opposiTe be true?”

“me?  i’m dishonest, and a disHonest man you can always trust to be dIshonest.  honestly.  it’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can Never predict when they’re goinG to do something incredibly stupid.”

“is everything all right?  it sounds like you’re having sex in here, which i Know can’t be true due to the fact that you have a homosexual boyfrIend.”

“i think i can sell the star-croSsed lovers.”

“you’re a poor blend of impulses and impuritieS.”

“the rumors are true.  i am, in fact, considering becoming an existEntialist.”

“i hope you guys have hobo Stab insurance.”

“i am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.”

“whatever happened to chivalry?  does it only exist in ‘80s movies?  i want john cusack holding a boombox outside my window.  i wanna ride off on a lawnmower with patrick dempsey.  I want jake from sixteen candles waiting outside the church for me.  i want judd nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me.  just once, i want my life to be like an ‘80s movie.  preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason.  but no, john hughes did not direct my life.”

happy friday the 13th, everyone.DOLL COSTUME

“may the odds be ever in your favor.”



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s