Not Invited

For the second time this summer, I was not invited to a wedding that I was sure I would be invited to.  First, it was my friend (I’ve already written about that.  Let’s move on.), and now, it’s one of H’s friends.  I can see the reasoning – I’ve been in and helped plan enough weddings to understand it.  H was in this guy’s fraternity.  If other brothers are going to be there, they will all know each other.  Hence, plus-one’s are not necessary.

But.  There’s always a but.

I have been with H for over a year and a half.  I’ve heard the stories of these friends since I met him.  I’ve heard all about their antics at the fraternity house, their weekends meeting in an awesome central-location city.  I watch as he giggles incessantly at their group messages on his phone.  I want to meet these people, these grown men who can make H laugh harder than I can.  But now I’m afraid I may never get the chance.

He’s been hyping up this wedding for quite a long time.  I wrote it in my calendar months ago, and H has been planning to attend the Bachelor Party for months.  Now what?  Is he going to drive six hours by himself, twice, and leave me at home?  Or can I be added to the RSVP card?  What is the proper etiquette here?

I’ve talked to both K and J1 (K is married and J1 is planning her wedding), and they had conflicting advice.  My mother said that no adult should be sending out wedding invitations to out-of-town guests without giving them a plus-one.  I’m not sure what H should do, to be honest.  I’m not sure where I fall into all of this.  How am I supposed to feel?  I live with H, I spend all of my free time with him, and yet I don’t get to accompany him to his friend’s wedding?  It just doesn’t seem right.

I guess I may have an update on this situation in a couple of weeks.  We will see.

What are your thoughts?  I’m interested in hearing anything and everything.



2 thoughts on “Not Invited

  1. I think it’s extremely rude to not include a significant other on the invitation… I understand not inviting someone’s girlfriend of a week by name but you should always include with ANY adult guest a plus one. I think having H contact the groom to see if it was an oversight on their part is perfectly reasonable. I know with everything going on with wedding plans perhaps they simply forgot to include your name on the invitation.

  2. I should also add that when I was discussing with my mom protocol about wedding invitations and such, she said that a plus one is assumed for anybody over 18. I had to inform her that maybe that was the case 30 years ago, but it’s not now. I will be furious if people show up to my wedding with random extra people they didn’t tell me about. With that said, I think H should talk to his friend. If he is invited to the bachelor party, they are clearly close, and they should be able to have this conversation. If the other guy stands his ground, that’s fine, it’s his wedding, but I think H should at least bring it up.

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