Pretty Little Liars, “Miss Me x 100”

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, LOTS OF STUFF HAPPENED.  The last couple episodes have been fillers (in my opinion), but now we’re back.  This is the show’s 100th episode, and I. Marlene King sure knows how to make a splash.pll miss me x 100 2

Here we go!

So, first scene of this long anticipated episode gives us Hanna and Travis… stargazing?  Oh, it’s for a school assignment.  Because they have school and stuff.  Hanna is complaining about having to dress “business conservative” for the presentation, which is a justified worry, since she owns nothing conservative.  Travis is wearing a v-neck that I’m pretty sure he stole from my closet (except I’m serious, I have the same one, I’m 99% sure) and telling her that they have to find the thing in the sky before they worry about what they’re going to wear.  Oh no you didn’t, Travis!  Fashion is always first and foremost!

Anyway, Travis is a nice person (ugh, amirite? #halebforever), and he knows that Hanna’s actual beef is with Alison going back to school.  YES, YOU HEARD ME, ALISON IS GOING BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR AFTER MISSING OVER A YEAR.  Because that makes sense?  Travis tells Hanna that she isn’t required to walk into school with Alison, but Hanna disagrees.  She is so lost.  Travis isn’t helping.  I know who you are, Hanna!  You’re half of Haleb, and Ravenswood was cancelled, so Caleb will be back anytime now!

Ezria, meanwhile, are strolling down the street in the dark.  Man, A must really be gone for them to have resumed moonlight strolls already (said no one ever).  Aria is still freaking out about killing a guy, and Ezra is trying to get her to put it in the past.  And then they see Alison talking to a person in a mysterious SUV.  She acts super shady when Aria asks what she’s doing, and tries to make it about Ezria instead.  Nice try, Alison.  They’re well practiced at hiding their unending love (also, #ezriaforever).  Alison tells a shady lie (I don’t believe her for a second).  Then a bus pulls up, and they hear a cane.  IT’S JENNA!  JENNA IS BACK!  I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY BECAUSE THAT MEANS SHIT IS GOING DOWWWWWWN!

Spoby is making tea, and Toby offers to talk to Spencer’s dad.  Oy.  Stay away, Toby!  Also, cut your hair!  Yikes.  They discuss how Spencer thinks her dad killed Alison’s mom, and then they talk about Fitzgerald.  I saw a tweet wondering if Spencer gives Toby reading assignments.  I’m thinking YES.  They discuss how Spencer isn’t sure she believes Alison, and Toby says this amazing thing:

“Spencer, we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t believe in second chances, but it’s okay to close the door on someone if they’re toxic.”

Oh, if only Toby could advise me on my life choices.  So wise for a high school dropout turned carpenter.  You know who was also a carpenter?  Jesus’s dad.  So there.

Toby gets a call from Jenna, and Spencer is right to question it.  Toby’s face tells all – something bad happened.  OH.  She just found out about Shana!  Yikes!

The Liars gather, trying to give Spencer advice on what she should say to Toby about the Shana thing.  Aria tells Spencer to tell the truth.  Then she looks at Alison, who is giving a stink eye.  Aria continues:  “It’s your decision, Spence, not hers.”  Oh!  Sassy Aria is my favorite Aria!  Remember what Spencer said once?  “You’re little, but you’re big.”  Exactly.  Anyway, Emily tries to get Alison to stop standing watch at the window.  They all wonder about Jenna’s blind status (which, let’s be real, is ever-changing).  They agree that Jenna is back in Rosewood for revenge.  Alison then says that she’s going to try to make amends with the people at school.  Except maybe Jenna.

Alison gets ready for school the next morning, putting on her makeup.  She’s also talking to herself in the mirror.  Are we supposed to see her vulnerability here?  Whatever, I’m not happy with the show since Alison’s been back.  Missing A makes it boring.

Alison arrives at school, and the girls wonder whether everyone hates her or loves her.  She does indeed start apologizing to people, right there on the spot.  Paige can’t watch – she takes off.  Lucas and Mona watch as well, looking pissed.  The other girls walk into school with her.  They’re all dressed in dark colors, and Alison is wearing bright colors.  Well done, Mandi Line.  Everyone stares as they walk through the halls.  The girls ask her about her classes, and she says she can’t remember where the guidance counselor’s office is.  They agree to have lunch together, and Alison walks away with Emily.

Spencer is then called to the principal’s office, where her mom is waiting for her.  Turns out Mrs. Hastings is leaving Mr. Hastings, and Spencer is getting pulled from school to pack.  Wow!  Turn of events!  No one saw that coming!  (Actually, I didn’t see that coming, just because the Hastings parents were always united in deception against their children.  Huh.)

Hanna and Lucas are walking the outdoor hallway that wouldn’t really exist in Pennsylvania, and Lucas tells Hanna about a party he is having that night, because the girlfriend he met while he was being home schooled (huh?) is coming to town.  He invites Hanna to go to the party, and she agrees, as long as she can bring Travis (UGH).  Wait, I don’t want Lucas to be bad!  Who is he calling?!

Spencer is watching her mom pack up her clothes.  They argue, because secrets.  Apparently, the night that Mrs. D got dead, Mr. Hastings and Melissa supposedly went to some diner, except they didn’t really.  The PI that Mrs. Hastings was working with doesn’t know where they were.  But, surprisingly, that’s not what sent Mrs. Hastings over the edge.  Killing is okay, but letting your daughter help you kill isn’t.  It’s in the Hastings House Bylaws.  Duh.  So Spencer and Mrs. Hastings are running away.

Also, is Troian Bellisario wearing a wig?  Her hair looks weird.

The other girls can’t find Spencer, and Aria says that she can check on her when she stops over at Jenna’s.  Hang on, back up.  WHAT?!  The other girls are just as confused, and try to talk her out of going there.  Aria argues that she’s not going to admit anything, but her guilt makes her want to at least say that she’s sorry for Jenna’s loss.  Wow.  This isn’t going to go well.

Sydney invites Emily to a Frozen sing along… which, what?  But Emily agrees to go, and then talks to Paige.  Emily reminds Paige that she’s the best and the bravest and Alison is bleh (#pailyforever).

Aria walks up to Jenna’s house and just pushes the door open?  Really?  Murder, AND breaking and entering??  Oh, Aria, you’re going down the wrong path!  She wanders through the house until she comes across Jenna sobbing on the floor.  Oh, God bless Tammin Sursok.  She is wonderful.

Emily apparently arranged a meeting between Paige and Alison, which is super awkward.  Paige is biting with her words, which Alison deserves completely.  I don’t believe a word out of Alison’s mouth, but she claims that she’s sorry.

Hanna brought Spencer her homework, and they are discussing their terrible fathers.  They wonder about the girl in Alison’s grave.  Spencer doesn’t appear ready to talk about her parents’ separation yet, because she lies to Hanna’s mom about it.  Hanna is so supportive here.  It’s the best.

Alison tries to get Emily to hang out, and Emily balks and then leaves.  Alison, because she’s Alison, asks if she can stay at Emily’s for a while.  Then she makes a confession – she said that she always had feelings for Emily.  Apparently there’s something in the water in Rosewood – everyone is gay!  Hurray!  But, apparently, Alison actually is.

Hanna is getting coffee for her and Travis and OH MY GOSH CALEB IS BACK!!  I REPEAT!!  CALEB IS BACK!!!  He has beautiful hair, and rushes to defend Hanna’s honor, and then spots Travis’ name on the cup next to Hanna’s.  And he splits.

At Lucas’ party, Hanna is drinking something blue and trying to call Caleb.  She flirts with Lucas, who tells her the punch is best drunk rapidly and repeatedly.  Then Hanna asks about Lucas’ girlfriend, and he gets this look on his face, so she knows they’re lovers in the nighttime, and she says it out loud!  She says that “doing it” is also best when done rapidly and repeatedly, and then Lucas blushes and laughs and Travis swoops in to take her home.  Hanna has the best jokes!  Luckily she grabs food on the way out, because she’s Hanna!

Paily shares inside jokes at the sing-along thing, and Sydney tries to play catch up.  Paige shares the news that Jenna is back and Shana is dead, and Emily tries her best to act like this is new information.  Then this happens:

Sydney:  You don’t like [Jenna]?

Emily:  Jenna and Alison hated each other.  My friends and I didn’t know that we had been drafted into their way until it was too late.

Sydney:  Too late for what?

Man, for just being the new lesbian swimmer, she sure asks a lot of questions… Hmm…

Alison leaves Emily’s house, clip-clopping in her high heels, and a car turns on its headlights and follows her.

Aria arrives home and does some stuff before turning the light on.come-on-gob-arrested-development  Haven’t you Liars learned that monsters lurk in the dark?  This time, it’s Jenna, who says that she knew it was Aria in her house earlier today.  Jenna is wondering why Aria cares about how she’s feeling about Shana, and Aria lies with the best of them.  She says that, since Alison was dead for two years before she became not-dead, she knows what it’s like to lose someone.  She then offers Jenna some tea, and to listen as she talks about Shana.  Wow.  You’d be an excellent counselor, Aria.

Also, Aria is wearing a Texas Longhorn necklace.  Weird.  And Jenna is wearing her sunglasses at night.  Why?

The car is still following Alison as she walks.  Then a shadow passes.  Alison dives into the nearest public building – the church, apparently – and texts the other Liars SOS.  Guess who’s there!  Mona!  They have quite the confrontation, which ends with them each slapping the other and Alison making some proclamations that she will always be better than Mona.  For the record, Alison’s slap makes Mona bleed, which is interesting.

The other girls (minus drunk Hanna) gather at Alison’s house.  Alison tells her version of the story about the confrontation with Mona (which is mostly true, except she doesn’t admit to slapping her), and the girls all theorize about who helped Mona ambush Alison.  Alison’s hands are shaking.  Spencer agrees that she doesn’t think Mona actually has proof that they were in New York, because she hasn’t used it.  Hmm.

Mrs. Marin puts drunk Hanna to bed.  She says that she’s mad, and Travis is confused, but they will talk about it in the morning.  Hanna mumbles about a lot of things, and then finally says that Caleb is back.  Mrs. Marin gets a look of understanding on her face.  Poor Hanna.

Emily calls her mom to get permission to spend the night at Alison’s house.  Oh boy… Alison brings up what she told Emily when she pulled Emily out of the death barn.  They share some lesbian looks with each other.  It gives me mixed feelings, because I still think Alison is evil.

Aria shows up at Ezra’s apartment and tells him that he should still keep his door locked.  She brings him a pie, then dives into her conversation with Jenna.  She feels so guilty about killing Shana until Ezra shows her his scar.  He also wipes pie off her lip.  Oooh.  Sexy time?  Yes!  Sexy time!  Finally!  #ezriaforeverandever

Except they’re making out to a cover of the Police song “Every Breath You Take,” which is creepy as hell.

Now we see that Alison and Emily are sharing a bed.  Really, parents?  I understand that girls do this, but there has to be some distinction between straight girls and gay girls, because this is an invitation for lesbian sexy time!  And… what do you know?  Now Emily and Alison are lovers in the nighttime, too.

Aria and Ezra have moved to the bed, where Aria makes sure that she’s not hurting Ezra’s gunshot wound before continuing on with sexy time.  Damn.  Song aside, seeing Aria’s bare back like that is pretty hot for a show about high schoolers…

The next morning, the girls come across a very hungover Hanna in the hallway.  They discuss the Mona situation.  Then:

Aria:  But how did [Mona] send that New York minute text to your burner phone the night we got back into town?

Spencer:  The other day, I learned how to make my own satellite on the web.

Hanna:  What are you going to do with a satellite?

Spencer:  The point is that you can learn how to do anything on the web.

Using Spencer’s knowledge, they realize that Mona got ahold of the contents of one of their phones while they were in New York.  Which is BAD.  But it gets worse.

Mona is building an army.  She recorded her confrontation with Alison, but only showed the part where Ali was saying that she could turn Mona back into Loser Mona if she wanted to.  And then Alison’s slap – but we don’t see Mona’s initial slap.  Interesting.  And well played.

Alison runs off to the bathroom, and the other Liars follow.  They don’t believe her.  It’s ironic, really, because if she hadn’t already told so many lies, they might have taken her side.  But now they can’t.  She is running out of allies.

Now we’re at a… park?  It’s Sydney!  And Jenna!  What the bloody hell?!  I should have known!  No new characters come on this show without a purpose!  Sydney is on team Jenna and Mona!  Because Mona is meeting them in the park, and I totally forgot that she drives Jenna’s old car now!  What the crap?!  They’re plotting to get rid of Alison, and then someone else shows up, but we don’t see who.

Toby and Spencer are sitting in Toby’s truck, talking about what a mess her family is.  Spencer asks if Toby is mad at her, and he’s so cute.  The way he says “Spence”?  Ugh, ADORABLE!  But I can’t say #spobyforever because he has betrayed Spencer once already.  I don’t fully trust him again yet.

Hanna tracks Caleb down on a swing set, drinking beer.  He says that he didn’t call her back because Travis is a nice guy.  But he makes it pretty clear that he came back for her.  He asks if she changed her hair because Alison is back, and it just proves how perfect they are together, because he gets her.

Emily is watching a movie and ignoring Alison’s pleas.  Emily doesn’t budge, even when Alison tries to kiss her.  She actually rolls her eyes.  The movie is interrupted with breaking news about who is in Alison’s grave.  Emily returns to the television with Alison.

Hanna asks Caleb about Miranda, and he lies, which is weird.  Hanna gets a text and tells Caleb that he has to come with her.  When Hanna and Caleb show up at Alison’s house, no one is surprised to see Caleb, which is odd.  Except he exchanges a look with Alison.  What the heck is that about?  Ezra is there with Aria, Toby is there with Spencer, and Alison and Emily are sharing a couch.  All of the couples hold hands when the news is announced.  pll miss me x 100The girl is…

Bethany Young.  Who is Bethany Young?  Apparently she ran away from Radley that night.  I suppose we’ll be finding out in the near future, eh?  Also, the police chief said the night that Alison was “allegedly” kidnapped, which means they question her story.  Uh oh…

THEN THE WINDOW BEHIND THEM BLOWS OUT!!!  GLASS EVERYWHERE!  They all hit the deck, then rush outside.

It’s Toby’s house.  Toby’s house exploded.  Cars flipped.  Fire everywhere.  Nothing was saved.  Toby runs into the house that is still up in flames, and we hear glass still shattering.

THEN THEY ALL GET A TEXT AT THE SAME TIME!!

A IS BACK!!  Oh, he/she had been moving, that’s why he/she hadn’t been texting.  There are some dolls that he/she is setting up… AND WE’RE BACK, FOLKS!

What a fabulous episode!  Finally.  I was starting to worry that Alison being back would make the writers lose their touch.  I’M SO HAPPY!

Can’t wait for the next episode!

“I’m back, bitches.  And I know everything.”

-A.

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