21 Secrets for Your 20s (from All Groan Up)

This was the first All Groan Up article that I read, and it’s what made me start following the site in the first place.  It’s so humorous, and so so true, based on everything I have experienced thus far.  Let me know what you think!  My comments, if I have added any, are in italics.

And, as always, you can read the original article here.

21 Secrets for Your 20s

  1. Never looking at your budget and never making a budget is the exact same thing. Starting out strong.  This is so important.  Budgeting what little money you have is so important!  You don’t want your debit card to get declined or your rent check to bounce, do you? 
  2. The possibility for greatness and embarrassment both exist in the same space. If you’re not willing to be embarrassed, you’re probably not willing to be great.  This is why I let people read my writing.
  3. Feel no shame in seeking help from a counselor or therapist. We all have crap we try to wrap and hide under the Christmas tree.  Get rid of it before it smells up your entire holiday.
  4. All job listings on CraigsList lead you to a warehouse in downtown LA “wearing something nice with shoes you can walk in.” I have no idea what this means, but it’s funny.  And it makes me glad I don’t live in LA.
  5. Don’t ever, ever check Facebook when you’re:
    1. Depressed.
    2. Drinking.
    3. Depressed and Drinking.
    4. Unemployed.
    5. Any time after 9:17 pm.
    6. Struggling with being “blessed with singleness” while all your friends seem to be blessed with 2.4 kids and that blazing white-picket-fence shining with the glory of Jesus Christ himself.
  6. All those amazing college friends you swore you’d never lose contact with after college… Yeah, well, you might lose contact. Moving all over the country, getting married, having kids, all make that forty-five minute conversation with your sophomore roommate a little more complicated than it used to be over a game of Mario Kart.  Making and keeping friends in your twenties takes intentionality.  This is incredibly true.
  7. Your twenties will produce more failures than you’ll choose to remember. The key is when you fail, don’t begin calling yourself a failure.
  8. Every break up has two break ups. I’m no physicist, but this is a law of physics, of this I am certain.  Yes, you’ll have the first tearful “it’s over” sitting in the front seat of your Honda or on a park swing.  Then 1-2 months later, after there’s “been talk,” you’ll have the REAL break up, because she forgets to call like she used to or he checks out the waitress like he’s a judge for Miss USA.  And gird those loins because in the second break up, there will be a lot more breaking.  This is also incredibly true.  My last break up (several years before H) had more than two break ups.  I was broken for a long time.  And I had to fix myself before I found H, so it all worked out in the end.
  9. The Freshman Fifteen is nothing compared to the Cubicle Cincuenta. Don’t sit at your computer perched like a Roman gargoyle.  Don’t let office birthday cake be forced on your like a cigarette behind your middle school.  Bust out before your butt does.  I don’t like this one as much.  You have to love yourself – that’s all that really matters.  And cake is delicious.  That is all.
  10. And yes, cubicles don’t make sense to anyone other than upper-management. I would be willing to bet that only 3% of all “Cubicle Americans” actually have a positive outlook on life.  And half of those 3% are stealing from their company.
  11. If at some point between ages 22 and 27 you feel like you’re six years old again, lost and alone at the San Diego Zoo (it’s a big-frickin-zoo), frantically searching for a familiar face – hold tight, you’re experiencing a bit of a quarter life crisis. Stay put.  Pray a lot.  And in no time someone will call your name across the loud speaker to tell you where you can be found.  Also true.  How do I know?  Because H found me.
  12. Reckless drinking and reckless flirting have a direct correlation. Friends don’t let friends drive, or flirt, drunk.  I wish I could tell some of my friends this without offending them.
  13. If you grew up going to church, at some point in your 20s you’ll probably stop going to church. If you grew up with faith as a central part of your life, at some point in your 20s faith might move to the outskirts of town next to the trailer park and three-legged squirrel refuge.  Your 20s are a process of making your faith your own, apart from your parents and childhood.  Sometimes that means staggering away so you know what you’re coming back to.
  14. Don’t ever begin dating someone you met whilst in swimsuits. Doubly don’t if you’re both in swimsuits whilst holding an alcoholic beverage.  That sounds like a romantic comedy anyway.
  15. Obsessive Comparison Disorder is the smallpox of our generation. Nine out of ten doctors agree that this disorder is the leading cause to eating a whole sleeve of oreos while watching “Real Housewives of the OC.”  Say no to obsessive comparison disorder before it starts.  Remember that everyone is too busy putting a PR spin on their Facebook profile to care much about yours.  This is an interesting concept, and I completely believe that it’s real.  It’s the same reason people dress up for the first couple class reunions, right?  Because they’re trying to impress everyone?
  16. Life will never feel like it’s “supposed to.” Being twenty-something can feel like death by unmet expectations.  However, let me be so brash to say you are right now, at this moment, exactly where you need to be.  But you’ll only be able to see that five years and thirty-eight days from today.  This is one of the most difficult things for me to realize.
  17. You might have your first kid and realize what it’s like to be young, a parent, and have no freaking clue what you’re doing. And for the first time in your life, you also might actually understand your parents.
  18. Marriage WILL NOT fix any of your problems. No, instead marriage will put a magnifying glass on how many problems you really have.  We grow up carrying bags with our insecurities, fears, bad relationships, problems with our parents – you name it.  Begin to ditch these bags now.  Newly married and living in a small apartment is no place to store a luggage set full of shiz.  Again, completely true.  I’m glad I worked a lot of things out before H proposed.  I know there’s still more to work on, but it’s a manageable amount of shiz now.
  19. An assortment of crappy jobs are a twenty-something’s rite of passage. Figure out what you need to learn there and learn it.  If you don’t, an assortment of crappy jobs might be your thirty, forty, and fifty-something rite of passage as well.
  20. Great ideas alone mean nothing. Your ability to persevere through 16 major setbacks, a lack of passion, forgetting why you started this great idea in the first place, and all the people who allude that your great idea is actually quite terrible – well, that means everything.
  21. The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get there and realize it’s because of all of the manure.

What do you think?  Are there secrets missing?

-A.

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