The Bachelorette Season 11, Episode 5: “Fulton scored, Fulton scored, I am really bored.”

Okay, so those of you who aren’t from the State of Hockey probably don’t get that reference. It’s from the third Mighty Ducks movie, which I’ll admit, wasn’t the best of the trilogy. But it’s the first thing that popped into my head when I thought back on the last episode of the Bachelorette.

Honestly—what were the dates even this past week? It’s was just more of the same—Kaitlyn makes the guys perform in some way in front of her and then she laughs at them while they struggle to step out of their comfort zones. It’s the same story every week with Kaitlyn. I like her a lot, but give us back our rose ceremonies! Seriously! This is getting ridiculous. So, blah blah blah, no one gets cut this week. But…

She added a person. Because that makes SOOOO much sense.

And! It’s not just any old person—it’s Nick Viall, who was infamously the runner up in Andi Dorfman’s season and dissed Andi on national television for having sex with him and dumping him later. Like, dude. Grow up. People have sex, and then they get dumped. It’s not like this was real life, anyway. It was Bachelorette life, which is so not real.

So. Nick Viall joined. The other guys know exactly who he is. None of them are happy. Blah blah blah. I’m sure there will be drama at the beginning of this coming episode, because that’s how we’re rolling this season. The drama is at the beginning and the rest of the episode is boring as crap. So, that’s where I stand as of right now.

But I do want to assert my brief opinion on the nature of this show, Nick Viall’s addition, and what the creative editing of the previews are leading us to believe.

The reason all of the guys are so upset with Nick Viall getting added to the show is because he put Andi “on blast” about having sex with him. First of all, what the hell does putting someone “on blast” even mean? I’ve never heard this phrase in my life. Second, yeah, it was a shitty thing for him to do. I think everyone is in agreement there. But he was hurting. Don’t we all do shitty things when our hearts are broken? I won’t believe you if you say you never have. The shittiest part of Nick’s relationship-grieving process was that the Men Tell All was on live television, so his discretion was caught and broadcast to the world. Like I said—I’m not arguing against the fact that what he said was shitty. It totally was. But I remember my last breakup… don’t even get me started on all of the shitty things I said, did, and heard.

So, say the guys are so upset because they think Nick is a shitty person and not because they’re jealous that Kaitlyn is adding yet another person to the already-too-large population of guys in a single hotel suite. That’s the scenario we’re working with here. All right, let’s move on to the season preview we saw at the end of week 1—it appears that Kaitlyn sleeps with one of the guys… and everyone is upset about it. Remember that?

Forgive my naiveté, but isn’t that PUTTING SOMEONE ON BLAST???

If the previews are to be believed, we have some very hypocritical men left in the hotel suite. I guess we shall see.

For the record—women shouldn’t have to answer to men about who they do and do not sleep with. I’m putting that out there. Andi shouldn’t have had to answer to Nick, and Kaitlyn should not have to answer to the guys who are left whenever that incident occurs. Men are not in charge of women’s bodies, no matter what the United States government will have you believe. All right—I’m leaving my soap box now.

I hope tomorrow’s episode is more interesting. Seriously. Or Bachelor franchise, I may just have to quit you.



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